


Trust Issues

by telekinesiskid



Category: Loveless
Genre: Betrayal, Distrust, M/M, implied rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 15:04:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4526637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telekinesiskid/pseuds/telekinesiskid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ritsuka wakes up next to Soubi one morning.</p><p>Something's not right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust Issues

**Author's Note:**

> I've always wanted to do a Loveless fanfic~
> 
> Big thanks to [kiiouex](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kiiouex/pseuds/kiiouex) for being best beta! ^^

He woke up. Not because of his alarm clock for once; it was too early for that. He stayed motionless in bed, on his side, blinking slow and bleary as he tried to make sense of the fuzzy numbers on his digital clock. It wasn’t long before his alarm was scheduled to go off. Not so long that he could justify letting himself drift back to sleep. Mondays were always the hardest days to get up. Dozing was reserved for the weekends.

He tensed when he heard breathing that wasn’t his own, matching his in softness and pace. He peeked over his shoulder and was surprised to see that Soubi was still there, just behind him, almost a hair’s breadth away. That idiot must’ve fallen asleep last night before he could leave. Ritsuka must’ve fallen asleep too, because he couldn’t even remember shoving Soubi out of his bed, as he usually did whenever he noticed the time.

Ritsuka stared at him. He looked so peaceful, in his sleep. The way his hair fell around his face made him look like a princess, and his mouth hung open just a little, not set into the usual staunch smile or deadpan. Ritsuka noticed Soubi’s glasses resting over on his desk, and he wondered for a fleeting second if Soubi had actually _planned_ to stay over.

It was the first time Soubi had done this. He’d never stayed over before.

Ritsuka didn’t mind, but he hoped that Soubi wouldn’t make a habit of it.

He continued to lie there, with Soubi’s arm draped lazily over his middle, and he counted down the minutes before his alarm clock would sound off. He reached up and shut it off maybe twenty seconds before it would’ve rung and let his arm flop back down, like a limp noodle. He felt so _tired_ still, and he remembered the reason _why_ he made Soubi go home every night that he paid him a visit. Class was boring enough as it was, and staying up talking to Soubi until the small hours wasn’t going to help him stay awake.

It took much more effort that he was used to, but he eventually hauled himself up and threw off the blankets, whomping Soubi a little in the face (he winced but he didn’t move). He shifted his body forward and the pads of his bare feet meet the cold hardwood floors. He arched his back and stretched up his arms to the ceiling and yawned, wiping the sleep from his eyes with one hand as the other absently ran through his bed-hair.

Every little muscle in his body seized when he felt something thick and bristly come away from his head.

He couldn’t move. Blind, senseless panic flooded his system and filled him up to the brim and pulsed in his limbs and constricted him in place. He sat there, tense, his rushed and panicked thoughts tripping, looping, on fast tracks to dead-ends, and it took him a small eternity to relax just enough to let the hand in his hair move again.

He trembled as he pinched whatever he was touching and brought it down for inspection, away from his head.

His hand trembled harder.

An ear.

A _fucking ear._

He dropped it before he could throw it as far away from him as possible, and he watched on with horror as it plopped to the floor, just by his feet. A wave of revulsion overcame him as he yanked his feet back up onto the mattress and pushed himself back onto the bed. His breaths were coming in staccato; short and choppy and shallow. He couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t stop staring at the dark triangular tuft on the ground. That didn’t look right. It didn’t even _feel_ right. That _wasn’t_ his ear, it was- it was something else. It was the coarse fake hair on a doll, it was the stiff strands of an old well-worn rug- it wasn’t _human_ and it didn’t _belong_ to him, it didn’t come from the top of his head, there was just no way, it couldn’t have come from-

He froze as the other ear dropped off his head.

He screamed.

He knocked into a mass stirring behind him and he flinched hard, springing up, sprinting across the room on too-shaky legs to his mirror because he needed to see that it wasn’t true, it couldn’t be true, it was just an illusion and it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it _wasn’t real._

His reflection gaped right back at him, just as utterly clueless and terrified as him. He swiped at his hair, but there was no trick; he felt nothing. His hand passed right through parts of him that he had just taken for granted, that he’d had since birth. He looked so different without his ears. But it _wasn’t_ him. One of his defining characteristics was that he was a _child,_ but now he…

He wasn’t staring at any iteration of Ritsuka he knew. He was staring at an adult.

His vision blurred as tears filled his eyes, and he brushed them weakly on his sleeve, not wanting to look away for even just a second. He turned his body a little and felt a strike a relief to see his tail still sticking out of his pyjama pants, but the feeling fizzled out before he could even really savour it. It gave way to panicked unease because something was wrong. Something was very wrong. He was upset, and yet his tail wasn’t bristled or thrashing wildly- it just hung there, lifeless. Dead.

He tried to make it flick- to do something, anything. But it didn’t move. It was like trying to flex muscles he didn’t have anymore. The only movement that came from it was the gentle sway when he rotated his body.

He swallowed thickly, wide-awake and petrified beyond all control. His hand came around to touch the base of his tail and he winced at the same rough and dry texture as his ears. He took a huge shuddery breath and braced himself as he gave a small tug and…

The tail came clean off.

He held it between both of his hands, staring mute, feeling a scream build in his throat. It was like holding a dead limb that was no longer attached to him. It was like picking teeth out of his mouth. That’s just what it felt like. That’s what it was. His tail had always been a part of him and now it… wasn’t.

He was far beyond the point of keeping calm. He carefully set the tail on his vanity table, as straight as he could get it. Then he turned all of his fear and confusion and distress into a rod of hot, unbridled fury and he turned it onto the only conceivable suspect in the room.

He rounded on him, leered over him and _seethed_. Soubi’s blissful expression in sleep had melted his heart not ten minutes ago, but now it spurred him on, dowsing the fire with more and more fuel. He couldn’t _believe_ the gall Soubi had, to have slept through all of this.

His foot shot out into the mattress, jolting it. “ _Soubi!”_

Soubi stirred, but if that was anything to go off from minutes ago, it meant nothing. He needed more than that to rouse him and Ritsuka didn’t feel the need to hold back. He crawled onto the bed and bore down on Soubi with all his might, trying to wring his neck with his small hands. He rocked the bed with the force of his motions, his breath came out in pained grunts, because it still wasn’t _enough._

Soubi came awake with a start, eyes flying open. They were wide, startled; they locked onto Ritsuka and searched every inch of his face, trying to determine what’s wrong. He made a breathy noise that followed all the syllables of Ritsuka’s name, and a pang of wretchedness shot through the boy because how _dare_ Soubi try to say his name. He didn’t have that right anymore. He’d lost it. He’d fucking _thrown it away._

His face contorted with discomfort when Ritsuka found it much more effective to strangle him with his own bandages, already coiled just so around his neck. He felt a disturbed little thrill shoot through him to see the bandages press _in,_ pinching the skin around it. Reddening it…

The betrayal he felt only heightened when Soubi pushed him off to sit up.

Ritsuka raised a hand and brought it down on Soubi’s arm as hard as he could. Soubi winced, the sharp sound of the slap hanging in the air, until Ritsuka yelled at him, “ _Idiot Soubi! Stupid fucking SOUBI!”_

Soubi’s face was a blank slate, giving away nothing. Ritsuka could see where his eyes were: scanning across the perimeters of his head, looking for the ears (like he wasn’t already aware), and Ritsuka hit him again.

The fact that Soubi was even still _trying_ to block him just made him want to _scream._

 _“You stupid fucking IDIOT, Soubi!”_ he shouted, swiping at the tears streaking his face. He could hardly breathe; he was choking up and every part of him _stung_ with pain and betrayal, but he forced himself to inhale and denounce the honour of his fighter. “Y-You… I can’t _believe_ you would ever do something like this! I _trusted you!_ You’re supposed to _care_ about me and _love_ me- you’re not supposed to take _advantage, and-”_

He was interrupted by a sharp sob. Within seconds his whole frame was wracked with sobs, and it was all he could do to curl in on himself and push angry, useless fists to his leaking eyes.

He just couldn’t believe this, any of it. He was just a _kid_ ; he wasn’t ready to be an adult. He didn’t want to be one. He wanted Soubi to take it all back- to give him his ears _back._ He couldn’t even _remember_ what had…

He cried. Loud and ugly and woeful.

He felt Soubi push a comforting hand to his head but he swatted it away. His face was still hidden but every ounce of his biting resentment was in his voice. “Don’t _touch_ me.”

He stayed curled up there, by Soubi’s side, crying into his hands and into the sheets when his hands couldn’t catch every tear. He stayed there, inconsolably miserable, until he felt the weight on the bed shift.

He raised his head to watch Soubi stand. His head dipped to the floor, long hair shielding his face as he slipped back into his shoes. His hands were remarkably steady as he reached for his glasses on the desk, and it made Ritsuka hate him all the more.

Soubi glided towards the sliding door and Ritsuka screamed, _“Where are you going?”_

Soubi stopped. He turned only a little so that his profile was in view. His eyes looked empty.

“I’d gathered that you’d want me to leave you alone.”

“ _Idiot!”_ Ritsuka seized one of his pillows and threw it at the back of Soubi’s head. He didn’t react. The pillow barely mussed his smooth hair. “Don’t you _dare_ leave me alone like this! How am I supposed to go to school?” He hadn’t even thought about it until the words came out, and all it did was create a deep sense of despair, sinking into the very pit of him, making him sick to his stomach. “How am I supposed to face _mom_ like this? What am I supposed to…?” His eyes flashed back up to Soubi darkly. “This is _all your fault!_ You have to fix it! _”_

“I didn’t do it, Ritsuka,” he murmured.

Ritsuka didn’t believe it. “If you didn’t do it then who _did?”_

Soubi’s head tipped down a fraction lower. “I don’t know.”

Ritsuka grimaced. No, no he couldn’t accept that. He shook his head as he picked up the other pillow and chucked it at Soubi, too. It was a weak throw but there was no less conviction behind it. “You’re a _liar._ You lie about _everything. You’re_ the only one who was here last night- there was no one else. It could’ve only been you. You fucking _bastard._ ”

Soubi’s shoulders lifted and dropped in a tell-tale sigh. But he didn’t contest it. He didn’t even try.

“What do you want me to do about it,” he asked in a low, even voice.

The two of them started when a knock came from the door.

_“Ritsuka? Ritsuka, you should get up for school now. I made your favourite breakfast food. Are you awake yet?”_

He felt terror stab at him – the ears on the floor, the tailin plain sight _–_ and he flung himself at the door. He slammed his weight into it and fumbled the lock into place before she could let herself in as she so often did, but he didn’t have _time_ for any of his mother’s tests right now. “N-No mom, I mean, I’m awake- I’m, I’m getting changed.”

He waited for her to leave. He kept his firm gaze pinned on Soubi in case he would try to slip out unnoticed, but he didn’t make a move. He knew his voice sounded shrill and stressed, and he had to wrestle over the lock a little as she tried to pry open the door.

“Mom _please,_ I’m- I’ll come out soon, just…”

He couldn’t think. This was all too much- it was all happening too fast. He could buy time, but he couldn’t avoid seeing his mother like this. He couldn’t put it off for much longer. And the _things_ she’d say about him. _My little Ritsuka would never do such a thing…_

“I can take care of her if you’d like,” Soubi offered quietly.

_“Ritsuka? Ritsuka? Ritsuka, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”_

“Uh, yeah mom- I’m a bit sick. Just leave me to rest. P-Probably that cold going around at school, and, I don’t want to infect you…”

He waited. He _pleaded_ for her to just leave, and after another couple of minutes and silence and rattling of the door handle, he heard her footsteps retreat back downstairs.

He willed himself to calm down a little. He needed to focus on his more urgent problems.

“ _You,”_ he growled, pointing an accusing finger at Soubi. “Go out and get me some fake ears and a tail. In my colour. And that’s an _order_ so you’d _better do it, or else!”_

Soubi didn’t ask ‘or else what’; he just received his orders and left via the sliding door on the balcony. His disappeared into the sunlight, like he was never there. Like none of this had really even affected him.

Ritsuka raced after him to check that he was heading into town, doing what he was supposed to, but there was no sign of him in the street below. There wasn’t even any guarantee that Soubi would come back.

Furious, Ritsuka drew the blinds closed with such intensity that he could’ve broken the cords. But he didn’t care. He didn’t care about any of it. He was an _adult,_ years and years too young, and he couldn’t handle any of this. The _one_ person he thought he could’ve trusted, who he let into his home and into his life, who he let kiss him and tell him ‘I love you’ and hold him close at night… His own _fighter…_

He didn’t know why Soubi would just… spit in the face of all that.

He went to sit in the darkest corner of the room where he continued to cry. He couldn’t even remember what had happened last night to make him lose his ears. He couldn’t even say for sure if it _was_ Soubi who had…

_Idiot. Who else would it’ve been?_

“Soubi,” he whimpered to himself. “I’ll… I’ll never forgive you for this…”


End file.
